May 14th 2012
It is dark, about an hour before dawn.  I know the birds will start singing their sweet melodies soon.  This moment in time is a reflection of my life  these past six months.  Yes it has been dark, very dark.  My November surgery was no piece of cake!!  It was more like old beef jerky, rather hard to chew on. They removed a 1.9 centimeter tumor.  Fourteen lymph nodes were removed under my arm, eight tested positive for cancer.

 Yet I recovered one day at a time.  Then the first of the year came and it was time for six weeks of daily radiation.  My husband was so supportive, he drove me every day, week after week.  I plodded along pretty well until the end, then my skin broke down, I got the flu and really had to battle for a couple of weeks.

  Each day I get a bit better, take shorter naps, try to do a little more.  I am still having Physical Therapy for the damaged muscles in the chest area.  I am told the affects of the radiation causing the muscles to tighten lasts for about twelve months.

I was very glad to learn that the type of cancer I have would not benefit from chemotherapy so I was able to avoid that nasty treatment.  The Dr. put me on a five year plan for a hormone blocking medication.  It has nasty side affects, including depression, joint pain insomnia , wight gain etc. etc. etc.  It hit me pretty hard the first week.  I am doing serious praying about what to do.  I see the Dr. next month.

I feel like my creative, poetic self has been locked up in a hope chest for a few months.  It is time to dust off the key and open the lid.  I have started to do art and poetry in my journal again, so that feels good.

If you read this blog and know my e mail please respond with a quick e-mail, I wonder if the blog is read or over looked and sometimes I get discouraged.

I will close by creating a new poem.

Liquid Essence

Written by Dawn

Life is liquid essence
reflecting the morning dew.
Each beam, each ray
brings the warmth of yet another day.

I lift my palm
to the globe
that drives away the
darkness.
Light reflects on my pale skin
giving it a warm glow.


I praise the Creator that today
I have the precious gift of life,
A day to breath
A day to laugh
A day to love.
A Day!

November 18th

This is Richard writing for Glenna. The doctor reported that the surgery on Wednesday went very well. She came home yesterday-Thursday. So now I am her "nurse" administrator. I keep track of things on her chart. When she takes her meds, has she taken time to walk about, breathe deep and cough to keep her lungs clear, and all that good stuff.

Glenna still has a sense of humor and we are just taking a day at a time.

The next major thing is the pathology report that will come in 7-10 days.

We appreciate your prayers and concern.

November 16th 4:20 am
I will be honest and say I did not sleep well last night. I tossed and turned and fought a headache. At 3:00 am decided a soak in the tub was the best "drug of choice" considering I am not to have any liquids now. It seemed to help. We leave for the hospital in about twenty minutes.
I am reminded of Romans 8: 38 " For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels,nor principalities, nor things present, nor thing to come nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
My version of this right now is " For I am convinced that neither cancer, nor surgery can separate me from my big brother Jesus."
I close this with verse 37 "But in all these things we overwhelming conquer through Him who loved us. Love you all Glenna

I have done a lot of "Life Review" this week. I had a long visit with my surgeon and another new Doctor a Dr. Patton, he works in radiation. So I got to thinking about all the activities, interests, things I want to yet do in my life. I love writing poetry, feeding my goldfish, going for long walks, reading books with Richard, visiting with my children, having lunch with my friends.
So the next question is, would I want to risk all of that and try to keep a body part I don't really need? I recall the joy of breast feeding my three children and I am thankful for that but as I turn 59 on December the 1st I realize that is only a sweet memory from the past.
So Richard and I had a long talk and we both agreed in order to protect our special times together it seems wise not to be overly focused on looks or appearance. In light of that thinking I have agreed with the strong recommomdation from all three of my Doctors to go ahead with a Masectomy on my left side. Richard will take me to check in next Wednesday November the 16th at 5:30 am at Legacy Good Samaratian Hospital where I will have surgury at 7:30 am. Please pray that we will both keep our focus on God's presence and peace. I may be in the hospital one to two days.
The next decision in treatment will deprend on the pathology reports that will come out about one week after surgury. I am thankful for today, the air was so crisp and clean when I stepped out this morning.
A friend from my college days reminded me of the anthem at our Bible School and I close with the lyrics.

I don't know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day
And I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to gray
And I don't worry about my future
For I know what Jesus said
And today He walks beside me
For He knows what lies ahead
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to under-understand
But I, I know, I know, I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds, who holds my hand
Oh yeah, yeah, yes, hey, yes
Who holds my hand

It seems life is a series of battles, always good against evil or provision against poverty or disease against health. In ones youth you go to bat with energy, vim and vigor. Yet as the battles continue and the years go by one tends to slow down and tackle each skirmish with as much wisdom and stamina as possible.
So it is this November 2011. I thought I was done with my battles with Cancer, but a MRI this week said otherwise. I guess my old enemy was trying to hid out under some old scar tissue from the battle wounds of 2009. So this Monday Richard and I go to see a new Doctor. Her name is Dr. Amanda Wheeler. It is our second visit and we are impressed with her and trust her judgement. She is a new addition to Portland, a great asset as she is trained in both traditional and complimentary medicine. Her complete practice has one focus, Breast Cancer. She seems compassionate and wise. Her dream is to start a pilot program in Oregon to blend the two disciplines together. So we will go to her and plan out our war strategy for this current battle.
It seems the stakes are a bit higher the second time around. Yet God is my commander and chief, and above all else I look to Him, rest in Him and listen for His wisdom. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. It would be a great encouragement if you want to leave a note of cheer. Friends and family mean so much.

March 9, 2011
After a long absence I have decided to make this blog site the place where I share with special friends. I have been on Face book the last year and do not find it to my liking. I think I will use it as a spring board and screening device to filter friends to this site for more private and in depth conversations. :)
I have been a busy girl this past year! I am working hard at my new identity, "Dawn."
Last fall I enrolled at my local university to work on a degree in literature. In the fall I enjoyed a basic writing class and I am just finishing my winter term class this week. I decided to take a Junior Level poetry class. It has been a good time, and stretching. Many of the poems we were required to write involved issues about personal healing. I will share some with you as soon as I turn my final projects in and breath for a couple of days. I had forgot how much students long for and look forward to Spring Break!!! I will visit again soon and tell you the two other pieces of my new Identity!

Wow where did the last six months go? It seems it took me longer to climb back up from my valley of "Cancer Challenges" then I imagined it would. The good news is I made it! Last week I went to my oncologist and received a clean bill of health, and was told not to come back for six months :)

So now it is time to get on with life! After reflecting on the lessons of suffering I learned in the past year I have changed my career focus. Instead of returning to work as an activities coordinator I have applied and been accepted with an organization called Nursing Home Ministries as a Chaplain. Next month I will be starting to work at Pacific Gardens. It is a Alzheimer's Special Care Center. I will be doing "one on one visits" with the residents as well as teaching a Bible Study each week.

Life seems so short now. Every Dawn is worthy, beautiful to behold, whether it is stormy or bright and warm. I pray that my "earth assignment" will be extended so I may give out more love and hugs and as I prepare for a life beyond this one, perhaps I can pave the way for others too!