Dawns Arising

God Is Faithful:

As I review the past weeks since my surgery on March 12th I have come to realize God is faithful to help me face each day. It seems like months instead of weeks. In some ways the days have merged into one big mountain to climb. For anyone attempting to make it to the top of "Mt Everest" to place a flag of completion and victory there are always challenges along the way. This climb in no exception. There are overhangs and sheer rock faces to slowly crawl up.

At first it was the pain. Trying to wear a seat belt in the car with a pillow tucked under it on my left side. The simple challenge of getting dressed.Their are rock slides of emotions, one day I am healed and never have to think of cancer again to the next where I monitor every little pain.

Perhaps the greatest challenge are simply all the decisions to make. I am still working through those. The list seems endless. They are divided into two peaks, one called alternative therapy and one called traditional. The traditional includes various types of radiation and many types of chemo drugs, then their is hormone therapy. The list of side affects are endless. On the other side the alternative therapy's go on and on. Some sound hopeful, others questionable. Often the research is still coming in.

My surgeon reminded me that I am "Captain of my own ship". I don't really like my new responsibilities. It was easier just to be a care taker and pour myself out to others and ignore my body. Now I must, research, think pray and make my own rudder move toward life and away from death. It seems I have a hard time to know which way the trade winds blow or how to navigate into a current flowing in the right direction. It seems I have split my friends right down the middle. One group cheers me on toward alternative medicine and the other toward traditional. I have always been a people pleaser. This time in my life I have people upset with me no matter what decisions I make.

So in this mountain maze I turn to God. He has been faithful. I have felt his presence in the middle of the night when the pain and questions will not let up. I have felt him in the touch and hugs and prayers of those around me.

In some ways it seems my life has changed forever. Now I must evaluate the state of my body, I find I want to live life in a richer fuller way and yet find my energy seldom catches up to my desires.

I was upset last week at some new challenges and was reminded by God that in a boxing match their is usually more than Round one. So next week I start round two and take more tests. I have adopted the suggested Vegan lifestyle that helps combat cancer and have lost twenty pounds, that feels good. These past several weeks I have kept my focus on getting the garden planted and digging on my Koi pound. As I close this entry I would ask for three prayer requests. One is for sleep, sweet consistent sleep. The next is for emotional steadiness. I have not been so easy to live with these past weeks. And finally for wisdom as I continue to be "the captain of my ship" and make wise choices about my care.